It’s generally par for the course when the gym smells like cologne, especially in the weights area. So much testosterone and low self-esteem to mask.
But PEOPLE! People of 24 Hour Fitness!
THE HANDSOAP IN THE LADIES’ LOCKER ROOM??
Seriously, I can’t smell my hands without suddenly feeling the intense urge to take myself out to dinner at Buca di Beppo and finish the night off with some Sambuca and a meaningless tryst under a scratchy, pilled-up comforter my mom bought me in 1992 and I haven’t washed since 2006.
I have just confused myself with pronouns.
Do you think it’s too weird to bring your own handsoap to the gym?
Because really? It’s not healthy to spend your drive home debating what music the man who wears the same scent gracing your hands listens to when making love to a woman.
Oh, smell-o-net, where are you? I wish you could answer this for me.
In lieu of technological advances, however, I am going to give you my top 5 choices for what this man might listen to.
2. Gin Blossoms
4. The Pretty in Pink soundtrack (ladies love that sh*t, yo!)
5. Post-1995 Red Hot Chili Peppers
And, as a bonus, I give you a top 5 list of the whoppers I have been treated to over the years. You know, if I had ever passed the state of driven snow.
1. Pink Floyd (duh, college boys are SO DEEP)
2. Congolese music
3. Massive Attack (duh, post-college boys are SO DEEP)
4. ENYA. Yes. I repeat: ENYA (WTHF????).
5. Not music, but such great comedy hits as “Stripes,” “Spies Like Us,” and my personal favorite, the way to every woman’s heart, Eddie Murphy’s “Raw.”