Two First Kisses

by jen on July 11, 2007

I don’t know if you read, but Laurie lost Roy on Tuesday. And because he was such an awesome, regal cat, I feel the need to share my own Roy story.

Roy was a hard one to win over — not as hard as Bob, who is still half-feral almost (although sometimes I can fool him by using Laurie’s super-secret pet name for him. He’ll finally let me pet him only to look up and realize, but wait! you are not my mommy! Bob is adorably gullible), but a hard nut to crack nonetheless.

But after a few times over at Laurie’s, back when she was still with Mr. X, one morning after a night out at The Mayan, Laurie was treating our Negro Modelo-soaked livers to the soothing combo of bacon and eggs. And Roy figured out that perhaps I wasn’t going to be able to finish mine. And he came up to me, right on my lap, and pushed his handsome little face right up into mine, right up to my lips, inhaling the bacon fumes with one eye on the leftovers.

He was too polite to just start chomping down on my leftover strips, but he was just, you know, hinting, that MMMMM, that smelled good and wouldn’t it be nice if I gave him some? Now?

That was my first kiss from Roy.


Also, LG asked me a question: the circumstances of my first kiss (from a boy, not a cat, I assume).

And as I owe her a meme and loved her own post about kissing and the accidental accrual of more kissed boys than we can name, here we go!

My first kiss didn’t come until the summer after NINTH GRADE. I was a Nerd, people. That dork in your class who won every single award, INCLUDING P.E. (not because she was at all athletic but because she just tried SO DAMN HARD)? Me. I in fact won “person whose homework you’d most like to copy” in ninth grade in a school newspaper survey, but because I was co-editor at the time, I figured I better make it look like a clean fight and listed #2 as tying me.

Anyway, I was a nerd. But somehow, there I was, in the Cinemark 8 with Joe, my best friend Melissa, and her “date,” Mark, watching “What About Bob?” After my mom had dropped us all off in the Toyota Previa. Yes, my first kiss memories feature Bill Murray taking baby steps, and a Toyota Previa was the vehicle to love. That is my life.

Joe and I were sitting next to one another, and things didn’t seem to be going anywhere for 3/4 of the movie. But then! suddenly! Richard Dreyfuss was having a mental breakdown and gum was being passed around! “Fuuuuuuuuck.”

That is what I thought to myself. “Fuuuuuuuck.” This is really happening.

And then it did. One quick lean over, and suddenly I was exposed to Joe’s dinner (which included some serious garlic, he was italian), and also more tongue than I thought was possible to find in one’s mouth. And more tongue of mine than I thought was possibly to clumsily shove into someone’s else’s maw.

It is not very romantic, this story.

Perhaps because my relationship with Joe was horrible, and scarred me for life. That a-hole made me keep our relationship a secret for THREE YEARS because apparently I was too nerdy to be seen in public with. And also because he was cheating on me.

It took a long time to get over that crap.

But now! I see the box for What About Bob? in the video store, and it only reminds me of those sweet moments of anticipation, before the crap, before the heavy influx of garlic only slightly masked by Extra Winterfresh, when I wondered, OH MY G-D, HOW IS THIS GOING TO WORK HE IS INCHING CLOSER IS THIS A SIGN IS IT GOING TO HAPPEN???

It’s much easier with cats.

When they move in for a kiss, it’s probably because you’ve just eaten bacon.

Dagny July 12, 2007 at 7:17 am

Or something else that they like just as much as bacon. Boris often looks for handouts in that way.

And Joe? A-hole sounds too mild. Three years in secret???

Christine July 12, 2007 at 8:42 am

I also got my first kiss in 9th grade, sometime in November? Also at the movies, and I would much prefer “What about Bob” to the story of my first kiss involving “It’s a Thin Line Between Love and Hate” and James aka “Lizard Lips.”

And holy moly, I am so sorry about Roy. It’s always so much harder than one would expect.

Librarian Girl July 12, 2007 at 10:23 am

That story about Roy was so sweet.

Furthermore! That first kiss story ROCKS. I am a glutton for first kiss stories and that one is gorgeous.

But also: Joe, what a butt munch.

KnittyOtter July 12, 2007 at 11:47 am

Could’a been worse. I was so shocked I punched the first guy to kiss me. (In his special place even. *L*)

But yeah, Roy’s kiss sounds much sweeter. ;^)

Jeanne B. July 12, 2007 at 5:47 pm

I’ve come to always prefer cat tongue to human and cat kisses to the human variety. Roy’s passing has left an enormous hole in a lot of lives. He must have been a sweet cat. I hope Laurie is surviving all right. My condolences to you, too, since he was your friend as well.

Anne July 12, 2007 at 6:55 pm

Summer before my senior year. Co-editor-in-chief of the newspaper.

carma July 13, 2007 at 5:23 am

Ah staying with someone who kept your relationship a secret for three years…. at least you were in high school at the time and not in your 20′s (like me).

Aren’t boys grand?

I didn’t have my first kiss until tenth grade… See I’m a bigger nerd than you. :)

Samantha July 13, 2007 at 8:05 am

I’m an even bigger nerd then all of you, my first kiss didn’t happen until I was a senior in high school, on a ski trip, after many shots of Glaciergeis (totally lethal but yummy) on the walk back to hotel we were all staying in and then at school after said trip, I was made fun of by his upper echelon clique.

Brat July 13, 2007 at 1:48 pm

What a sweet Roy story!

SusannahS July 15, 2007 at 7:46 pm

Oh, I hate to hear about Roy. I’m trying to catch up on a week’s worth of blogs in one night. So sad.

My first kiss was in 9th grade. My first boyfriend was in 9th grade. I actually implied (never outright lied) that I had had a boyfriend before though so I’m sure That Guy assumed that I was proficient in kissing. Erm, not so much.
All I can remember is the drool. I was almost drowned. Yuck, yuck, yuck.
Fortunately we were completely incompatible so I moved on and found better kissers.
That Guy was later caught peeping in my bedroom window. We didn’t speak after that. I hear that he know lives in Hawaii and has a beard that rivals ZZ Top.

french panic July 23, 2007 at 12:19 pm

Oh my. If getting your first kiss in grade 9 makes you a nerd, what does getting a first kiss after high school (in a gay club, at the age of 18, with a boy named Dave who told me I should go home with him and he would let me sleep on the couch and not do anything, honest – um, what’s the point in my coming home with you, dude?) make me? Super total nerd? Or so much beyond nerdiness I am ultra cool?

I’m also a little shocked (irritated?) at one of the above comments “Ah staying with someone who kept your relationship a secret for three years…. at least you were in high school at the time and not in your 20′s (like me).

Aren’t boys grand?”

This succeeds in making both of you look like twerps for putting up with such losers – and blaming it all on “boys”. Not poor judgement or lack of judgement on the girls’ parts. Because of course, all boys are the same (bad) while all girls are the same (good).

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