I don’t know if you read, but Laurie lost Roy on Tuesday. And because he was such an awesome, regal cat, I feel the need to share my own Roy story.
Roy was a hard one to win over — not as hard as Bob, who is still half-feral almost (although sometimes I can fool him by using Laurie’s super-secret pet name for him. He’ll finally let me pet him only to look up and realize, but wait! you are not my mommy! Bob is adorably gullible), but a hard nut to crack nonetheless.
But after a few times over at Laurie’s, back when she was still with Mr. X, one morning after a night out at The Mayan, Laurie was treating our Negro Modelo-soaked livers to the soothing combo of bacon and eggs. And Roy figured out that perhaps I wasn’t going to be able to finish mine. And he came up to me, right on my lap, and pushed his handsome little face right up into mine, right up to my lips, inhaling the bacon fumes with one eye on the leftovers.
He was too polite to just start chomping down on my leftover strips, but he was just, you know, hinting, that MMMMM, that smelled good and wouldn’t it be nice if I gave him some? Now?
That was my first kiss from Roy.
Also, LG asked me a question: the circumstances of my first kiss (from a boy, not a cat, I assume).
And as I owe her a meme and loved her own post about kissing and the accidental accrual of more kissed boys than we can name, here we go!
My first kiss didn’t come until the summer after NINTH GRADE. I was a Nerd, people. That dork in your class who won every single award, INCLUDING P.E. (not because she was at all athletic but because she just tried SO DAMN HARD)? Me. I in fact won “person whose homework you’d most like to copy” in ninth grade in a school newspaper survey, but because I was co-editor at the time, I figured I better make it look like a clean fight and listed #2 as tying me.
Anyway, I was a nerd. But somehow, there I was, in the Cinemark 8 with Joe, my best friend Melissa, and her “date,” Mark, watching “What About Bob?” After my mom had dropped us all off in the Toyota Previa. Yes, my first kiss memories feature Bill Murray taking baby steps, and a Toyota Previa was the vehicle to love. That is my life.
Joe and I were sitting next to one another, and things didn’t seem to be going anywhere for 3/4 of the movie. But then! suddenly! Richard Dreyfuss was having a mental breakdown and gum was being passed around! “Fuuuuuuuuck.”
That is what I thought to myself. “Fuuuuuuuck.” This is really happening.
And then it did. One quick lean over, and suddenly I was exposed to Joe’s dinner (which included some serious garlic, he was italian), and also more tongue than I thought was possible to find in one’s mouth. And more tongue of mine than I thought was possibly to clumsily shove into someone’s else’s maw.
It is not very romantic, this story.
Perhaps because my relationship with Joe was horrible, and scarred me for life. That a-hole made me keep our relationship a secret for THREE YEARS because apparently I was too nerdy to be seen in public with. And also because he was cheating on me.
It took a long time to get over that crap.
But now! I see the box for What About Bob? in the video store, and it only reminds me of those sweet moments of anticipation, before the crap, before the heavy influx of garlic only slightly masked by Extra Winterfresh, when I wondered, OH MY G-D, HOW IS THIS GOING TO WORK HE IS INCHING CLOSER IS THIS A SIGN IS IT GOING TO HAPPEN???
It’s much easier with cats.
When they move in for a kiss, it’s probably because you’ve just eaten bacon.