From Martha to Fruit Flies in 2.3 Seconds

by jen on October 2, 2006

Wasn’t it just two days ago I was like a PARAGON of domestic perfection, minus the prison poncho and neighbor harassment?

Really! It was! Saturday my apartment was immaculate, my plants were watered, and I was preparing a picnic for 10 for a Hollywood Forever Cemetery screening of Dawn of the Dead. My kitchen was filled with the smells and sights of:

- prosciutto, melon and camembert-filled baguettes
- roasted vegetable and ricotta baguettes
- curried potato salad (which, btw, I amended by roasting the potatoes and adding raisins, yummy!)
- candied walnut and feta salad with blood orange vinaigrette

And I only burned myself twice! And only came to near-tears once!

And now? One paper due later and I’ve got a half-rusted baking sheet in my sink and there are fruit flies hovering which means that somewhere, some fruit or vegetable I can’t see is dying a slow, stinking death. AWESOME.

So, I surrender. I will never be Martha. Martha doesn’t cry. She certainly doesn’t allow fruit flies in her kitchen. I probably couldn’t even pull off Rachel Ray. Mostly because there is NOT ENOUGH COCAINE IN THE FREE WORLD to make me that perky.

It’s fine. I can accept that I’m no domestic goddess.

At least…

Until Thanksgiving, which I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT because I am making it this year! For my whole family! And Laurie and Amber! But I’m not going to get too ambitious. No. I can’t subject my family to my crazy machinations and self-induced stress implosions.

Now, where were those instructions for that grapevine chandelier I made a couple years ago?

I just hope at Thanksgiving my guests depart before the fruit flies arrive.

p.s. If you have any tried-and-true favorite T-giving recipes you want to tell me about, I would be ever so grateful! And so would my family!

Crystal October 3, 2006 at 5:48 am

Hmm – no exact recipe but when I make my mashed sweet potatos i throw in Grand Marnier, Butter and Brown Sugar. Liquor makes everything better.

Dagny October 3, 2006 at 5:27 pm

Ooooo. Never thought of adding liquor to the sweet potatoes. Thanks for the tip, Crystal.

And don’t let the fruitflies get you down. I am sure with all your fancy gift-wrapping from last year that there is some Martha hiding out in you.

marcia October 4, 2006 at 6:26 am

Hey Jen

I thought I would de-lurk for some Turkey Day tips. When I make my cranberry sauce, I add some pears, some freshly brewed coffee, and I use turbinado sugar instead of white sugar. I don’t have exact measurements to give you, but if you start with the basic Ocean Spray recipe listed on the bag – use the same amount of sugar, and use 1/4 cup coffee per bag of berries. Add the pears to taste – I usually use 1 can drained per bag of berries. The coffee sort of “rounds out” the tartness of the berries, and the pears seem soften the taste.

My sister has a Killer recipe for stuffing with chunks of fresh apples and dried apricots added to the mix. I also make a “mincemeat” pie from all sorts of fruit, and a lot of booze. If you are interested in the recipes, I will be more than happy to provide that as well.

Elynn October 13, 2006 at 8:14 am

Hi Jen,

I was just at Laurie’s site and thought I check in on you. Sounds like you’re doing great. I make 2 T-giving dinners, one is Lebanese and one Traditional American. I’d be happy to pass on ALOT of recipes. Just ask. Side dish, dessert, main entree, etc.
Otherwise, have a great campning trip!

Carma October 16, 2006 at 12:07 pm

Hi, ok… this is an old post but I’m commenting anyway…

Thanksgiving Dinner is really the only meal I’ve ever made (don’t get too excited… It’s pretty bare bones). But I HIGHLY recommend if you’re going to make a turkey to cook in it on of those Reynolds roasting bags… You don’t get the golden brown “picture” bird BUT you don’t have to baste and you get a really great JUICY bird.

Good luck, I’m sure it will be wonderful!


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