The Great Cat Scratch Incident of 2006 by Gimpy McBloodyLeg

by jen on March 7, 2006

Last night I had Ethel, the skittish one, on my lap, and Fred, the feisty one, attacked my toes in jealousy.

I made the mistake of flinching. The fallout?

Just as you should never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line, so should you never NEVER make any sudden moves when Ethel is on your lap.

I don’t know what you call your pets — or, as my Animal Shelter Law class is teaching me to call them, your companion animals — but in my house, they are always BlanketyMcBlankyblank. For example:

  • Fatty McBiggums
  • Stinky McFartums
  • Assbutt McCharlatan (when Fred wakes me up early in the morning, but spoken in such a loving voice it only prods him on with his toe-pouncing, damn him)
  • Lovey McNoodlepuss
  • Psycho McSchadenfreude
  • Boompy McDoodums
  • Goofy McGiggles

And so on.

You wouldn’t think that SleepyMcTwinkletoes and HunkyMcRunningback could do that much damage, would you?

Well.

You were not present for the The Great Cat Scratch Incident of 2006, were you?

Hrmph.

Signing off,
Martyr McPityPuss

carolyn March 8, 2006 at 4:31 am

OUCH!!!

this whole post is making me think of Friends and Smokey McSmokerson. didn’t Ross make up xx Mcxx names for all the kids in his class at one point?

(and hello, i wish i could remember the last time my legs were that skinny!)

kate March 8, 2006 at 8:02 am

Ouch! I’m new to the blogging thing, but have found it tremendously fun! I still haven’t figured out how to do my own yet. I wanted to share with you a story about a rainy cold Saturday morning, the kind to snuggle up in bed with cats and a good book. I was happily reading along with Yoko on my stomach and Jeffrey across my chest (he is a boy afterall). My bedframe collapsed (bowed sideboards didn’t hold the slats)! The launch pad (my chest) was a bloody mess! Much like your leg. I wish you a speedy recovery! And I eventually got rid of the bed!

jen March 8, 2006 at 9:34 am

Carolyn–
I wondered where I got it from — now I know the origin! And p.s. it’s all camera angle.

Kate–
OK, that sounds MUCH worse than my little scratches. No furniture broke during TGCSI2006/

Gloria March 8, 2006 at 9:45 am

I think it’s just perfect that in the last picture, your blinds are askew and Fred (that is Fred, right?) looks completely worn out, as if he had spent the previous hour wreaking havoc.

Unfortunately, I don’t have cats to blame for my messy apt or for any mysterious bruises/scratches. No. Just me. Sigh.

laurie March 8, 2006 at 10:06 am

Has Ethel been speaking to Sobakowa? Seems like perhaps The Great Impaler is giving catscratch lessons to felines all around the worl, like your once-sweet Ethel ;)

laurie March 8, 2006 at 10:06 am

worl, world … potatoe, potato

Dagny March 8, 2006 at 11:19 am

I have had scratches like those. Natasha is the skittish one here. I feel your pain.

anne March 8, 2006 at 11:21 am

ooh, sorry! been there.

i have the oddest nicknames for my cats. they just make no sense, although they’re usually some abstraction of the cat’s name. harlobar, huzzlebutt, samkins, etc. i’m fond of the blanky mcblankerson thing, too, though i tend to use it on my friends and enemies rather than my pets – i once dubbed george bush smirky mcflightsuit in a conversation.

jennifer March 8, 2006 at 9:19 pm

my favorite from a japanese comic i read years ago is Q.T. McWhiskers.

Jeff March 9, 2006 at 9:56 am

Those cutesy names reminded me of the cuppycake song
http://cuppycake.ytmnd.com/

Jenna March 10, 2006 at 12:27 pm

How happy am I that you quoted the Princess Bride?!

Dan March 11, 2006 at 5:58 pm

Post of the month!

SpaceCase March 13, 2006 at 12:51 pm

Aiiieeee! That’s my fear when I get felines, so I’m pretty sure I’m going to get them Soft Paws, as they will be exclusively indoor kitties. Yowza!

Anne March 13, 2006 at 3:45 pm

Yow… Those claws make awful jagged little rips. Wilbur used to express affection by attempting to leap upon my back (from the floor). He got about as high as my hips and dug in. (The stretch marks camouflaged the cat scratch marks nicely.)

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