Last night I had Ethel, the skittish one, on my lap, and Fred, the feisty one, attacked my toes in jealousy.
I made the mistake of flinching. The fallout?
Just as you should never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line, so should you never NEVER make any sudden moves when Ethel is on your lap.
I don’t know what you call your pets — or, as my Animal Shelter Law class is teaching me to call them, your companion animals — but in my house, they are always BlanketyMcBlankyblank. For example:
- Fatty McBiggums
- Stinky McFartums
- Assbutt McCharlatan (when Fred wakes me up early in the morning, but spoken in such a loving voice it only prods him on with his toe-pouncing, damn him)
- Lovey McNoodlepuss
- Psycho McSchadenfreude
- Boompy McDoodums
- Goofy McGiggles
And so on.
You wouldn’t think that SleepyMcTwinkletoes and HunkyMcRunningback could do that much damage, would you?
You were not present for the The Great Cat Scratch Incident of 2006, were you?