A Quiet Holiday

by jen on March 5, 2006

Hollywood is eerily quiet this evening. Aside from the noise of the whirlybirds hovered above the Kodak for the two-hour red carpet arrivals, the streets were DEAD when I walked to the grocery store this evening. This is the thing about living in a one-horse town — when it’s the Kentucky Derby of that horse, EVERYONE is at home watching.

This weekend has been eerily quiet as well. Too quiet. I managed to get out both nights:

Friday:
Barrister’s Ball, aka prom for law students. For which I found a rockin’ dress that I can now also use for my little brother and Jen‘s wedding in (holy crap!) May.

Close-up (and, yes, Penny, it’s totally a MySpace money shot (except, what is going on with my side-nose-bags, I didn’t even know they could exist)):

Gorgeous Neeta, in the car. Of course, because I am me and Neeta is Neeta, before we even got INTO the ball we managed to:
a. Lose one ticket for entry.
b. Have THREE awkward social encounters.
c. Develop static cling (me) and spray too vigorously with Febreze to combat (Neeta).

Hanging out with lovely Jinny, Maggy and Neeta.

The mediocre food (included this pic just for you, Gloria and Dagny):

And then I danced the night away. Or until 11:30, which is as much of the 1Ls puking in the bathroom as we could take.

Saturday:
Gloria, Amber, and I convened for some pre-Paris French movie watching. Shannon and Laurie, our other travel companions, apparently cannot be pried from the Valley on Oscar weekend (the traffic, oh, the traffic), and I do not blame them. Also, they had to work. Yet again, there was no French movie watching, aside from La Boum in the background, but Gloria prepared a dish reflective of her name and I will leave it her to her to describe the wonder later.

But then.

Sunday:
This, I guess, is where the problem came in. The problem of too much quiet time, which I believe is what this post was originally about. Twelve kajillion paragraphs ago.

Too much quiet time for me means too much time left to question myself in every single area of my life. Which is, of course, what I have done. And I was going to make a list, a chart! even, describing all my questions (Am I a good kitty caregiver? Do I talk too much? Am I a good friend? Will I ever be able to date someone again without wondering about the ultimate outcome way too early?), but it was too embarrassing.

And then tonight I received my March 6 Thought for the Day from Sri Eknath Easwaran from the Blue Mountain Center for Meditation (also the sender of this quote):

In those moments when we forget ourselves – not thinking, “Am I happy?” but completely oblivious to our little ego – we spend a brief but beautiful holiday in heaven. The joy we experience in these moments of self-forgetting is our true nature, our native state. To regain it, we have simply to empty ourselves of what hides this joy: that is, to stop dwelling on ourselves. To the extent that we are not full of ourselves, God can fill us. “If you go out of yourself,” says Johannes Tauler, “without doubt he shall go in, and there will be much or little of his entering in according to how much or little you go out.”

And you know? I am not a religious person. I don’t believe in A God, The God, whatever. I believe in SOMETHING. But I mean, I know I AM a Capricorn, body and soul, for goodness’ sake. Might as well believe in witchcraft or pro forma accounting.

But every day, I get this damn e-mail (which I signed up for because of my mother), and EVERY DAY it makes me feel better. And makes me try to BE better.

Because you know? I NEED a quiet holiday from my quiet-time thoughts these days. Don’t you?

Penny March 6, 2006 at 12:42 am

easwaran was a genius and i’m so glad that i got to meet the man. chris was telling me how he went to this indian restaurant off sunset and there was a picture of easwaran on the wall. how crazy is that? i will tell mom that you are liking his words though and she’ll be so proud of you for at least trying to take a little of him in. i think everyone deserves a little easwaran in their life.

p.s. that dress rocks. i’m jealous! also, sorry i was kind of nutty on the phone. honestly, that’s what wine does to me haha:P

Sammy March 6, 2006 at 2:54 am

I love the dress. Yet I am extremely jealous of you Californians that can actually wear stuff like that this time of year. Brr. It’s cold over here.

Dagny March 6, 2006 at 7:30 am

MySpace money shot — lol.

Sorry about the food and the 1L’s puking. Was there a semi-formal in the fall? (W&M did that with Barrister’s in the spring.)

Also, a little meditation never hurt anyone. Well, I don’t think it has.

rebecca March 6, 2006 at 10:08 am

new commenter here… enjoy reading your blog. and i just have to ask, where did you find that dress? love love it!

laurie March 6, 2006 at 4:34 pm

You are such a beautiful girl! You look lovely and exotic in that dress.

jenny March 6, 2006 at 8:25 pm

you look fab- what a great dress!

crazy, i did the same questioning/thinking too much about myself and my big issues this weekend. my journal is filled with scribbled questions…

when do you leave for paris? have SO MUCH FUN!

Gloria March 6, 2006 at 8:36 pm

YAY FOR PARIS!!!!

No, it’s only a MySpace money shot if the camera is looking straight down your boobs.

Logan the Great March 7, 2006 at 3:56 am

You do look smashing in that dress.

And hey, if you find the secret potion to turn off that sometimes loud, sometimes rather pointed self-critical voice, can you send me some? Mine is keeping me up at night.

carolyn March 7, 2006 at 9:21 am

love the dress! very funky and fun! :) (you also look damn skinny, girl! i’m jealous!)

Alors, tu n’es pas prêt pour Paris? :)

Neeta March 7, 2006 at 11:08 pm

Eknath Easwaran can trace his roots to Kerala, India and was born into “an ancient matrilineal family”, much like your OTHER spiritual adviser… ME. Hahahahahahaha. Okay, but seriously, isn’t that pretty trippy?

In other news, you looked so amazing in that beaded dress. Next year for Barrister’s Ball, I’m gonna defer to your impeccable taste.

jen March 8, 2006 at 9:36 am

Thanks for all the compliments on my dress! It’s BCBG Max Azria.

Paris is lest than three weeks away, ack! So excited but nervous because i have not been practicing my french. Although, Carolyn, I did understand your questions somehow. Answer: non.

Neeta, I will have to hear more about this today on the way to school!

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